This week, we will be looking at a characteristic that is key to loving our husbands and strengthening our marriage, but has sadly become a source of controversy.
What is it?
Being a helpmate to our husbands.
So I ask you to come with an open heart and an open mind to see what being a helper to our husbands really means according to God’s Word.
Characteristic-A Wife Who Helps Her Husband
“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
Did you see it?! How the first wife is described?
Suitable for him.
Not mediocre. Not worthless. Not sub-par. Not insignificant. A helper suitable. Worthy. Special.
God knew that something was lacking in Adam’s life and that he wasn’t complete just yet.
So, Eve, the very first wife, was fashioned and handmade by the Perfect Designer. A unique gift that was sent special delivery to Adam. A sign of his favor with God.
He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
It wasn’t until God created the wife (a suitable helper) that He could declare that His creation was complete and that everything was “very good” (Gen. 1:31).
Sadly, today being helpful is not viewed as a worthy quality–at least in the context of marriage.
If we look around, we’ll notice that the world applauds women for being of good service to their bosses (which is commendable), but they are looked down upon if they do the same in their marriage.
Why is that?
Being helpful is a way of showing love, strengthening others and is a noble thing. Don’t let others make you feel ashamed for desiring to be a helpmate to your husband.
Remember: “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.” Eccesiates 4:9-10, NKJV [emphasis added]
If you’re still not sure that being a helper isn’t a weakness, consider Psalm 46:1:
God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.
God is also known as the Almighty, Everlasting God. The Lord of Hosts. King of kings. Lord of lords. Master. The Man of War. There is nothing weak about Him.
Obviously, we are not equal in strength to God-not even close! My hope by sharing these verses is to clear up any confusion that you may have regarding what a helper truly is. And to remind you that being a helper doesn’t make you less-than, unimportant or weak.
Where would you and I be if the Lord of the Universe-the All-Sufficient One, had not chosen to humble Himself and help us?
Jesus humbled Himself, not simply by taking on human form or even by washing the feet of both his friend and his betrayer, but in the ultimate way–by taking our sin upon suffering the most humiliating of deaths and the wrath of God for those who don’t deserve it. And because of that, if we turn away from our sin and receive Him as LORD, we have the privilege of being called children of God and enjoying the gift of eternal life with Him. (John 1:12)
Romans 5:9 says that “In due time, while we were still without strength, Christ died for the ungodly.”
He is our example.
Helping others is a choice. It is the decision to cease being self-focused. The decision to look beyond our own wants and needs. The decision to spend some of our time, strength and resources for the good of others.
Can you remember a time when someone did that for you?
How did you feel knowing that another person chose to spend his or her time, effort and resources to fulfill a need in your life?
It’s a blessing with another person rises up to help us in trying moments.
So why, if given the privilege to help the person who we’ve united our lives with, would we not want to do it?
Practical Way to Show Love
Ask him what one thing you can do this week that would be of most help to him–and then do it with a willing heart.
Once, I was talking with a lady and I encouraged her to ask her husband exactly this. Her response was that she didn’t want to because she felt she should already know and that her asking him would be admitting that she didn’t know what he needed and she didn’t want him to think she wasn’t aware of his needs.
That’s definitely a thought that can pass through our minds.
But there’s 2 problems with this line of thinking:
1.) It’s self-centered & prideful. If this thought crosses our minds, it’s a sure sign that we have created the idol of self. Our image has become a higher priority than being obedient to God by showing love to our husbands and helping them in times of need.
2.) It’s evident, before we voice a single word, whether or not we are aware of how to love and help our husbands. Our actions reveal it and our spouses are complete aware—even if they never say anything.
When I asked my husband how I can help him most, his answer was prayer.
To be honest, I was a little surprised. I was expecting something more “practical”, tangible, some sort of task that I could cross off of my to-do list by the end of the week and in so doing, reach the goal of “helping” with a need. (You can see a little bit of my Martha personality [Luke 10:38-42].)
This goes to show, that the needs of our spouses go way beyond what the eye can see. I can have everything in order and my to-do list completed. But if I haven’t prayed for my husband, I haven’t helped him in the way that he truly needs and desires.
So ask your husband–you might be surprised at what he responds.
Date of the Week
Learn Something New Date
Is there something you and your husband have been wanting to learn how to do, but haven’t had the time? Now’s a great opportunity!
For more date ideas check out my article: 25 Free, Quarantine-Approved Date Ideas for You and Your Husband.
My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.Psalm 73:26
On our journey as helpmates, moments of weakness, whether physical, emotional or spiritual are sure to come. In those times, seek your strength in the God who never grows weary. He is your portion and your strength. Give Him thanks for this comforting truth. Also as Always, give thanks to God for your husband. Ask Him to help you love your spouse by helping him in the middle of his weaknesses. If necessary, confess the idol of self in your heart and ask God to give you a heart like His. And pray that ultimately, your husband will find his strength and hope in the God of the universe–the ONLY one capable of helping him at all times.
If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to check out Week #1 and join the journey to Multiplying Love in Your Marriage: 52 Weeks of Loving Your Husband More Challenge!